Started the IVF injections during the March holidays, and they were kind crappy because they gave me some of the worst headaches ever. I'm surprised I tanked the self injections like a boss as I thought I'd be freaking out over the idea of jabbing myself and wallow in self pity as well. The antagonist injections were rather alright as the pen and thin needle made it easy. The blocker on the other hand had a thicker needle and it was a little unnerving watching it enter my skin. Nevertheless, I survived the jabs!
Had my oocyte retrieval procedure done last Saturday where they retrieved 21 follicles (apparently it was quite a bit more than average), and am now on a 19 days hospitalisation leave to recover from it. Man.. I was feeling rather sore after the procedure. Had to delay the implantation as my hormone levels are currently too high and I'm at risk of OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). I'm looking forward to the next doctor's visit to find out how many embryos managed to develop. Fingers crossed that everything will go smoothly.
Working from home now, with the hopes of catching up on some work and also having the space to think about my new role and what I want to achieve. After waiting for a number of years for a position, I'm honestly a bit bummed that the opportunity came at a time when I can't perform to my fullest potential because of the IVF procedure. Managing work life balance is rather tricky; even while I'm on hospitalisation leave, there's still a lot of work to do and it is at times more stressful than taking classes myself. I hope I will be able to manage my stress and anxiety.
Therapy
Due to my intense fear of having a panic attack during possible childbirth, my gynae doctor referred me to a therapist. I had the first session with her and found it fruitful. These were some main takeaways I had after the session.
1) I have a tendency to catastrophise situations, thinking of the worst that could happen.
2) Perhaps, what I'm worried about isn't the panic attack but rather not waking up from it; ie the idea of sudden death. It could explain my fear of lightning as well. This realisation really made me feel like I should do the best to my abilities so that I wouldn't have regrets or feel like I got caught off guard if I am to leave this world.
3) Create a journal to monitor what causes my Gerd (things I've eaten, things I was doing at that time and what did I do to help myself.)
4) Knowledge is key. Research on what really happens during labour, find out the statistics, and ask the doctor what happens if I really do faint during labour. Information can rid me of baseless worries. It can also help me make the necessary preparations to help myself in those situations.
5) It takes less out of me to accept the situation (ie. accepting that i'm going through a panic attack and the possibility of passing out with fits) rather than to fight it. Fighting it gets me more anxious and traps me in an endless loop.